They'll make a statue out of us

but for now let's make the most of it.

(I'd explain it to you if I thought you

cared.)

Learning to Steer Clear

'[...] & everyone who knew her loved her so', but


so much to do so
much to see

(how 'bout you do that with me?)

I'm aware I'm not making any sense, & I think we better keep it
that way. I think we better steer clear.

For your sake, but mostly for mine. Because I cannot see how
I could ever be

ready for rock bottom just yet.

Steer clear. Come hell or high water, there is always the option to hide. Biding my time, waiting
for you
to come around.

/

Le Fox

Summer is dead

for
real it seems this time, but
not quite forgotten just yet, &



miss is such a 'heaven vs. hell' kind of a feeling.

(I hope I'm not

intruding, I

hope that you are well.)

/

M.

'Det finns en tystnad mellan tegelhusen...'

'[...] så du fyller den med tomma ord.'

I don't mind the rain...

...but then again, if life could be just a little bit more like this:


... with just a hint of this(...?):

Perfect.

(Just another) Manic Monday

Saturday 23:11

...

Soon, soon. & when I do take that step (that tiny step in the eyes of mankind, that majestic leap for me) out from behind the curtain, you won't be ready & you will be surprised.

Until then, Mäster Henriks, drinking tea, reading the paper. Finding place for things, & gluing other things together. This summer has been equally awesome & awful. Any which way, it soon will be over. & I'm sorta fine with that.

Thank God for decoys.

Take care,
calm down.

D.

In a Perfect World... (Pt. 2)

... someone will show me something like this every day.

'It's a Motherfucker [...]

getting through a Sunday, talking
to the walls just
me again, it's a


motherfucker [...]










[...] how much I understand.'



But we will never be
the same.

Take care, talk
to me?

/ d.

[You're never] More than you can handle.

Rain - I will now proceed with forcing you to stop.

You're gonna have to pretty soon. I'm running out of fuel here. I'm running out of shine.

...

I'm watching a cat that's watching tv, regardless of if it's on or not.


Oh, the irony of it all.

Thank god för Spindelharpan.

See ya 'round,

/ D.

All You Really Need to Ask Yourself...

.. in this here place, amongst needles & pins & rusty, sharp objects & tiny pieces of string;

What Would MacGyver Do?

Summer is here, & I'm falling. All over town.

I hope you're happy, I hope you're safe.

/ L. Fox

Blast from the Past (Pt.1)

Criminally beamish / repulsively dreamish / another kind of greenish.

There are so many things I
wish

I will not live long enough
to pay full-prize for.

Mute cries filling that deafening silence, my eyes has never seen this much
crying before

the skies never felt this distanced or
sighs piling this high, I’ve got whys covering the
bruises

but not enough excuses for the hovering lies.

In a fight between myself & me
I always win

for better & worse

sin-buying, new-time
-trying

& hard-time-
identifying

just never not denying that
I:

a) haven’t got a clue &

b) don’t even know you.

Yeah, I was a mess even before it
got trendy

to confess to it.

(Just ask my past

if you don’t
believe me, three things I’ll always be
about:

contrast, coffee &

colourfast burnouts. )

I’m the queen of lying
straight to your face

got bookcase after
bookcase of categorized
late-night-stories

believe-me-device &
tainted
territories

water proof real-me-disguise

but you won’t ever be able to
tell because

overcasted & bypassed

my lies last.

Be my waste of time, I’ll talk to you in
rhyme

we’ll be partners in crime

& pantomime love when words seem
too hard to

not get tired of.

Just Another Manic Monday

Även små flygplan kan störta långt.

Dear Weekend...

You say goodbye, &

I say hello.

(I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello.)

Excellent...

There's only one way I can explain how I've been feeling lately. How the days've unfolded, things've evolved. Pretty faces, happy days. Old lovers, cold nights, roaming the streets to those darn familliar city lights. Only one way really, to sum it all up;

[...] E-X-C-E-L-L-E-N-T.

Take care darlings;

love / me.

All I Really Want...

Is that really that much to ask?

That, & a direction to follow. It's hard to look ahead when you have no clue where you're going.

But there will always be singing. Thank god there will always be singing. Aiming to someday write the perfect line - & knowing I will never succeed - is what is keeping my head of the ground, a smile close to my face these days. I might not know much, but what I do know I will keep shouting at the top of my lungs.

Deal with it or hit mute mate.

'Night /

d.

In a perfect world...

Amen. But alas, this is not a perfect world. This is not even a semi-perfect world. It is, however, all we've got, & writing this I can sense, for the first time in a while, that tingling sensation, that modest - yet obvious - state of 'fine'. Like little birds nesting in my ribcage, just waiting their turn to learn to fly.

As if the clouds have drifted by. Just knowing - somewhere between my chest & my spine - that breathing will be as easy tomorrow as it is today. Rock bottom means solid ground. Solid ground means time to build a ladder.

& thank god for that.

May is here. Simple days are just around the bend. Take care, be

kind.

/ D.

I wrote you one more song...

...just to tell you how I feel.


Regretting vs. Betting (click me.)




See you around.

/ Me

...I don't do that much talking these days.

Tonight I have been out walking, alone, back & forth all over town. Feet on the ground, wind in my hair, I let that darkness & that streetlightlit feeling of both calmness & beat cover me in safety again. These streets are my home, these nights are so damn familiar & I refuse to be anything but comfortable walking them. Some people find space to think in forests, next to lakes, surrounded by fields or on a mountain top. I can see that. But for me, that place, that space necessary for the big thoughts, the ones you're not even aware that you're thinking since they so completely fill up your mind, has always been the city streets, after dark, just walking purposelessly around town. Surrounded by people, houses, busses & cars, kids on skateboards, tiny dogs & telephone booths & neon signs & hobos & hipsters & gangsters & friendly faces & hurried glances & rusting cans & rotting leaves. The streets in this town are as much my home as any apartment will ever be, & I will let nothing change that. I have a memory to every corner of every block, a story in every direction you look, & most of them are good.

So I walked, & it felt right. Went & looked for my glasses again, just stood there under the trees & waited out the wanting to run. Found no glasses, but sorta found some kind of peace of mind. It can only get better, I do believe that, I do believe that it will get better from here on.


It has to.

Every day is new, & some days will never be forgotten. Today you handled something no one should have to, but most eventually will. Today was one of those days, today was one of what between us will make four, & I can only hope & pray for that time & circumstances will allow us to deal with the rest the way we dealt with the first;


together.


Sitting there, watching you, I remember thinking two things. Firstly, how it suddenly occurred to me how appropriate it is, how lucky you are, to have had the coolest dad in town. He was one of a kind, in the same independent, unaware way you are. No negotiations, no compromises, just simply, & utterly you. He stood aside for no one, changed for no one, but the people he loved. &, seeing the people you love seldom asks you to change what is truly you, he remained himself through heaven & hell. I can only wish for us to be as lucky.


Secondly, how grateful I am to those warm winds, that grey sea, the budding trees & that smell of spring, of better times ahead, that helped us through the day. That, & a pretty floral flask, that happened to be at the right place at the right time. He was one of your best friends, & I am proud to stand beside him in that line. More so, you were his best friend, & it seems to me he was watching after you today, making it as ever easy he could. There was something on your face today, something unfamiliar, something bruised, something deep-down-drowning-sad, & I will not pretend that it didn't scare me at the time. This winter left many of us a lot less blue-eyed than we could have wished for, but such is life. Living is never not a risky business (& as this is not directed to the other 'you' I find myself directing things to these days, I'll leave the double negation in) & I think we all find ourselves in a state of 'happy to be around' right now. It is not easy, nor safe. But it is all we've got.









& all we can do is cling on to it, to each other, to every meaningful conversation, every beautiful person we are lucky to meet, to get to know, in that spider-web-knitting kind of way. We might all be attached to life every so lightly, but we are attached, at all four corners.


Take care darlings. Spring is just around the bend. Greet it with me?


Love


/ D.

...

I just don't know what to do right now. So I don't.

I just sit here, wishing I had someone to share the air with.

But time has been known to fix many things, & I think we need to believe in that for the moment. To accept that we cannot understand how some things work, but simply trust that it will do it's thing. That it will, if not make sense, then at least feel like something in our past. I can't wait for this winter to fall into the 'remember when?'-category. (Or more like 'the things we don't mention again'-category.) Just hang around, will you? Stay in sight for awhile? We can talk or do whatever you want. Kill some time together.
Or in the words of a litte girl who fell through a hole in the ground:

It would be so nice if something made sense for a change.

...

Easter has never been a favourite of mine. & this one sure didn't change any of my previous sensations towards it.

Life has not treated us well lately. There's been loss. There's been misery, & there has been a need to fight when all you really want to do is give in & cry. I wish that I were angrier than I am. I wish I felt like cursing & screaming & beating & breaking something in a million little pieces. But I just don't. I can see no point in doing so.

I just want to hide away from the world for awhile. I just want to listen to 'Northern Sky' on repeat in the dark, on that green down sofa.

Can we?

& Charlie Chaplin has learned to breath the hard way.

[everything that happens is from now on]


This is your
life, this

is your life your days your
tired ways your
quiet nights when you’re

breathing for
no
one but
yourself & you’re searching for
anyone but
me you’re a
glass shelf amongst rock
bottoms you’re someone
elses’ lost

battles , I’m just

me &

I haven’t got a clue of just how we
came to
be

on

different sides of
(what could’ve been) a
beautiful idea, you
are

rock amongst
crystals a diamond in the
flaw a lost war a
won fight you’re
alone you don’t
cry

for nothing you’re

laughing you’re shining you’re Charlie
C tonight your
tears are
jokes your
smiles are
tears against my skin you have
learned to breath for
your own sake & I

am learning to see the beauty in
ache once

more I am faking my way through a
spring I fill with

sound for

the simple sake of keeping a fair distance to the
ground, I

am just starting to learn to
close my eyes when you’re around &

you
say you think I’m
dumb, you

say I have no
right to mind you
say I really haven’t found what

I
obviously did find &

then
you walk away,
leaving

me wishing I were blind, you
walk away I’m feeling ill, I’m

standing still my
eyes are closed I’m

standing
still just to make sure I

remember how it’s feeling, just to

learn from my
mistakes, to not forget what

you
kept stealing from
me, just to

never not accept what this
path I walk is
giving, (it’s not your
way but it’s a way) &

at least you can’t accuse me of

not
living,

you

walk away my eyes are

closed (like I
don’t care where you are going)
I’m

still dreaming about miracles

(despite all you
think I should be knowing).

/

me.

Blood is thicker...

than Margaritas...

& there's so much time for us to

go back.

Love/

me.

Sleeping to dream (about it tomorrow)

& then suddenly
sleep

is all you wish for, my dear.

God night, dream

well...

(I will.)

/

me.

Join the circus...

(let's see just how far it might take us.)

Heart /

me.