Fuck Diamonds, Everybody Knows That Coffee Is a Girl's Best Friend.

It is 01.15 here & I'm more awake than I have been, it seems, in weeks. See today I came to the insight that the reason for my tiredness, which I for so long have been trying to blame on lack of sleep and/or a new environment,(the fact that I in no way have been lacking sleep I took in no consideration) is nothing more than the result of a constant miss of caffeine. I guess I, as an explanation, must mention my previous coffee habits. About ten cups. Before lunch. & yes, I know that's insane. I know that's way too much for the average coffee drinker. But, dear friend, please remember that I'm not your average coffee drinker. & I'm sick of feeling as if time is constantly passing me by these days.

I decided it was time to switch the beer for caffeine for a while.

& so here I am. It is late, & sleep seems far away. I still have nine & a half hours before I have to get ready to go to work, & I plan to use them well. Maybe I'll write a book. Finish a song (in my head, my housemates are sleeping). Or go hang out with my new friend, the wonderful cartoon figure, since I'm starting to climb the walls of this room.




Let's face it, I have been here for almost a month & a half now, & as much as I love it, & as much as most of me never ever want to leave, we are talking about a girl here who has problems with staying in the same place for more than 15 minutes. My straying shoes are starting to threaten to leave without me by now. It's not that I get bored (well, maybe just a tiny little bit). It's just the feeling of a thousand & one roads out there - and ten times the amount of trees - calling my name & the bottoms of my soles.



I have been sad today. I think I know why, but I don’t think I can explain it, even to myself. It has to do with the size of the world, the size of people, the sizes of maps & chords & silent tambourine solos. & I think it might have a lot to do with miss too, current, previous, & miss yet to come. With traveling comes the ability to collect pieces of the world, but before you know it, the world starts stealing pieces of you. Freedom comes with a price - a heart scattered all over the fucking atlas. It’s Rand McNally & me, & it’s the way I want it to be, but some days are harder than others.



Hey, all you can do is stay true to yourself, right? Right. Oh, & to make sure you drink enough of the crappy American tea-water-dish water they’ve decided to call coffee. Maybe my mission in life is to free all the wonderful people pf the U.S. to the A. of this caffeine suppression & introduce them to the real stuff. I’m positive the head of Zoégas & I can come to a pretty sweet deal.



Hm. Anyways, so - to stay up or not to stay up, that’s the question. Let’s think here, do I want to twist & turn between these green striped sheets for a few hours (& maybe be a bit more rested for the recording tomorrow), or do I want to drive around the night looking for pretty trees & crazy beats? I don’t know. (I think I might be getting old, & tell you the truth it does scare me just a little bit.) The thing with Abe is he reminds me of summer days at Mölleplatsen, looking for elfs’ hats & feeding the ducks liquorice candy. Of music festivals & sunrises & seeing the beauty in dirt. I guess he just reminds me of the people & the mind-sets I miss the most.



I miss my kitten.

Damn those night shifts! Or, no wait, damn those day shifts. I’m ready for the weekend to be here, that’s for sure. Don’t get me wrong, my job rocks. But a job is a job is a head ache either which way. & the only thing we know that we know; that we love the rain the most when it stops.

Love & indecisiveness

Dot