Peace & Love 2007

I hate myspace. Have been trying to upload some new songs forever, with the same result every goddamn time - either I sound like a man due to the songs mysteriously being played in slow-mo, or they just won't play at all. Gaaah. How come the wonder of the modern world wonders consists solely in the fact that they once in awhile actually - actually - work. Sing Hallelujah if a computer someday manages to do what it's supposed to. I hate Bill Gates. I know it's irrelevant in the matter, but I do anyhow, & seeing how good it feels, will continue to do so whatever you have to say about it. Hah! Bill, I hate you. I really, really do.

Alright. I feel better already. Funny how those things work. It's 00.22, it's Thursday night & I'm once again considering hanging around until Abe gets off. The next last day at work tomorrow, so I might want to be able to enjoy it, since I definitely will miss all the crazy people there. But fact is I will miss Abe too, & this is basically our last chance to make a habit out of nightly beer drinking & world talking. As usual, I cannot for my life make up my mind. Maybe I should just take a nap for an hour or two. Sleep on it haha.

Oh, & Oh My Fucking God. Borlänge? Mr Mraz, what the hell are you thinking? I still haven't fully comprehended it, but I do know that we need to be there. I also know that this is excatly the kind of thing we do best. When life hands you 'Whaaaaat?!'s, you just got to take 'em, laugh your heart out about it & be grateful. Hey babe, I figured out our motto today; 'Expect nothing less than unexpectedness.' How about that? Pretty perfect, isn't is. I'm not even sure 'unexpectedness' is a word, but who cares. Hey, it is now.

It's so hard for me to understand that in less than a week I'll be seeing you all again (most of you, anyways), I'll be eating filmjölk & Marsvinsholms ost & drinking real coffee again. Good tasting beer & cheap wine & vodka c-brus. It's strange, but Port Olimpic feels much closer over here than good old Malmö does. I don't know why, but almost every day I find myself stuck in memories of bobbing waves, loud disco music & week old stolen drinks (haha, or sleeves full of straws hahaha). Maybe it's because it was a life style not completely different from the one over here. Maybe because it's the most recent home away from home I've had. Or maybe it's just because of the fact that the Sepehora lip gloss has been used constantly these past months. & nothing sure does smell exactly like lazy days & crazy nights than that lip gloss does.

Anyhow, any which way. Nap time. Sleep well, loved ones. I am very happy to say that you've increased in numbers fast lately. You can never have too many faces in the back pockets of your heart, nor can you be stuffed in too many pockets of others'. But you can eat too many cookies. I found pepparkakor in a store today. They have a weird coffee taste to them, & they're kind of old, but they have a Swedish flag on the box & they all seem to brake in three pieces when you tap them with your knuckle. I am officially coockied out.

Peace & Love 2007

D.

I'll Be Home Soon

23.18 on a Sunday night is the best time ever if you're not working Mondays. I'm telling you, it's like having two Sundays. Or even two Saturdays if you will. There's actually only one word to describe it: Awesome. (Hand me one more of those beers, thank ya very much.) I guess the fact that everyone else is starting to think about getting up tomorrow morning is one of the main reasons why I always end up having a one girl party on these nights. But it doesn't really matter, because - A. my one girl parties are pretty sweet anyways, & B. my favorite cartoon figure doesn't start work until 5 pm. Not that that means anything apparently, (What the hell man, let's stop thinking for awhile!), but anyways. All I'm trying to say is, Sundays are really starting to grow on me these days.

It has now been around 20 days since we ran out of Swedish coffee, & I guess I'm dealing with it pretty well. I've had my shakes. I've had grumpy pants & headaches. But I'm getting over it, you know you are when you're actually appreciating dishwater in the morning (Hey, I guess it's better than nothing, right?). Besides, I have 12 more days in this here Promised Land, & I'm trying my best to make the most out of it. I have been feeling weird lately, & a new found friend of mine made me realize why tonight. I don't even think he knows how right he was, but here's what he told me: Maybe you're feeling lost because you're stuck between the feelings of being glad to go back home to all your loved ones, & already missing your new loves over here. I think that's exactly it. A part of me is excited to see all my favorite people in the world in less than two weeks, the rest of me is feeling strange because I'm still here, but my heart is, preparing itself for a new load of miss, not. It's already halfway over that sea, planning for new adventures. & here's what I'm gonna do: Tell my mind to slow down for awhile (I'll see you all soon enough anyways, there's no need to get all crazy about it.) & my heart to stick around for just a little longer. As I told my friend; the beginning & the end of a trip are always the hardest - the beginning because it's a whole new atmosphere to get used to, the end because it's a new home & a new bunch of heartbreaking goodbyes.

It has been a Modest Mouse weekend, by the way (my favorite kind). It has also been a confusing one. Not to say that living hasn't been easy, it has & I'm almost sure that's a state of mind more than anything else. It's not what you do, it's how you do it, & I like to compliment myself on being pretty good on doing what I'm doing the way it should be done by now. Sure, living has been easy, life has behaved, & the hours have gone by as expected. But just when you think you have the human nature figured out, someone comes around & acts the exact opposite way. I'm not going to lie, I'm confused, & I don't really know what's going on. But I guess I should be considering it refreshing to meet someone who's actually crazier than I am. Yeah. Let's settle with that conclusion & move on.

Oh, & Mom, I'm sorry. I did not mean to make you worried, I know how you work, & I know it's all love. My mistake, & it won't happen again, promise. I guess I just got carried away by life a little too long this time. I'll be home soon.


Jag vill ha en mamma-kram just nu! Just nu.

I'll be home soon, & you know what, I just changed my mind. It's all good. It's almost twelve, I'm bored & I'm all alone.


Let's go.

I just wish there were more to life than this, is what's been on my mind lately. A meaning, you know, some crazy ass love. I at least have the latter in spoonfuls in my hoods of the world. & yes, it sucks that I know all the names of all the streets, & all the places where they meet new streets. But it's home, & I know I won't be alone. Here's what I've been singing lately:


'It’s getting light out, the birds are waking up

another night of
telling truths we’re making up

another night down, who knows
how many more

another bright town, same love
we’re looking for

I just wish there were more to
life than
this

praying one day to find faith in someone’s kiss
praying someday for this restlessness to
back away
praying one day for a reason to stay

the rain is falling
over singing birds & trees
you keep calling for someone to bring you to your knees
you keep calling for something to break your heart
just whatever to rip this apathy apart

I just wish there were more to
life than
this
praying one day to find faith in someone’s kiss
praying someday for this restlessness to
back away
praying one day for a reason to stay

packed you’re bags, you’re
heading on to somewhere new
I heard the boys are gorgeous & the sky is always blue
I heard the beer is cheap & your dreams they
all come true
but what if nowhere's ever good enough for you.'

What if. 'I like songs about drifters, books about the same, they both seem to make me feel a little less insane.' Amen, M. Mouse, amen. I might never find a place to settle down, but I'll sure as hell travel the world until I've seen enough to be sure that that's the painful truth. & before that, I'll kick this sumer's ass around Möllan, M-town for awhile. Who's with me? It's ooohhhn.

Love

Dot

Fuck Diamonds, Everybody Knows That Coffee Is a Girl's Best Friend.

It is 01.15 here & I'm more awake than I have been, it seems, in weeks. See today I came to the insight that the reason for my tiredness, which I for so long have been trying to blame on lack of sleep and/or a new environment,(the fact that I in no way have been lacking sleep I took in no consideration) is nothing more than the result of a constant miss of caffeine. I guess I, as an explanation, must mention my previous coffee habits. About ten cups. Before lunch. & yes, I know that's insane. I know that's way too much for the average coffee drinker. But, dear friend, please remember that I'm not your average coffee drinker. & I'm sick of feeling as if time is constantly passing me by these days.

I decided it was time to switch the beer for caffeine for a while.

& so here I am. It is late, & sleep seems far away. I still have nine & a half hours before I have to get ready to go to work, & I plan to use them well. Maybe I'll write a book. Finish a song (in my head, my housemates are sleeping). Or go hang out with my new friend, the wonderful cartoon figure, since I'm starting to climb the walls of this room.




Let's face it, I have been here for almost a month & a half now, & as much as I love it, & as much as most of me never ever want to leave, we are talking about a girl here who has problems with staying in the same place for more than 15 minutes. My straying shoes are starting to threaten to leave without me by now. It's not that I get bored (well, maybe just a tiny little bit). It's just the feeling of a thousand & one roads out there - and ten times the amount of trees - calling my name & the bottoms of my soles.



I have been sad today. I think I know why, but I don’t think I can explain it, even to myself. It has to do with the size of the world, the size of people, the sizes of maps & chords & silent tambourine solos. & I think it might have a lot to do with miss too, current, previous, & miss yet to come. With traveling comes the ability to collect pieces of the world, but before you know it, the world starts stealing pieces of you. Freedom comes with a price - a heart scattered all over the fucking atlas. It’s Rand McNally & me, & it’s the way I want it to be, but some days are harder than others.



Hey, all you can do is stay true to yourself, right? Right. Oh, & to make sure you drink enough of the crappy American tea-water-dish water they’ve decided to call coffee. Maybe my mission in life is to free all the wonderful people pf the U.S. to the A. of this caffeine suppression & introduce them to the real stuff. I’m positive the head of Zoégas & I can come to a pretty sweet deal.



Hm. Anyways, so - to stay up or not to stay up, that’s the question. Let’s think here, do I want to twist & turn between these green striped sheets for a few hours (& maybe be a bit more rested for the recording tomorrow), or do I want to drive around the night looking for pretty trees & crazy beats? I don’t know. (I think I might be getting old, & tell you the truth it does scare me just a little bit.) The thing with Abe is he reminds me of summer days at Mölleplatsen, looking for elfs’ hats & feeding the ducks liquorice candy. Of music festivals & sunrises & seeing the beauty in dirt. I guess he just reminds me of the people & the mind-sets I miss the most.



I miss my kitten.

Damn those night shifts! Or, no wait, damn those day shifts. I’m ready for the weekend to be here, that’s for sure. Don’t get me wrong, my job rocks. But a job is a job is a head ache either which way. & the only thing we know that we know; that we love the rain the most when it stops.

Love & indecisiveness

Dot