I'll Be Home Soon

23.18 on a Sunday night is the best time ever if you're not working Mondays. I'm telling you, it's like having two Sundays. Or even two Saturdays if you will. There's actually only one word to describe it: Awesome. (Hand me one more of those beers, thank ya very much.) I guess the fact that everyone else is starting to think about getting up tomorrow morning is one of the main reasons why I always end up having a one girl party on these nights. But it doesn't really matter, because - A. my one girl parties are pretty sweet anyways, & B. my favorite cartoon figure doesn't start work until 5 pm. Not that that means anything apparently, (What the hell man, let's stop thinking for awhile!), but anyways. All I'm trying to say is, Sundays are really starting to grow on me these days.

It has now been around 20 days since we ran out of Swedish coffee, & I guess I'm dealing with it pretty well. I've had my shakes. I've had grumpy pants & headaches. But I'm getting over it, you know you are when you're actually appreciating dishwater in the morning (Hey, I guess it's better than nothing, right?). Besides, I have 12 more days in this here Promised Land, & I'm trying my best to make the most out of it. I have been feeling weird lately, & a new found friend of mine made me realize why tonight. I don't even think he knows how right he was, but here's what he told me: Maybe you're feeling lost because you're stuck between the feelings of being glad to go back home to all your loved ones, & already missing your new loves over here. I think that's exactly it. A part of me is excited to see all my favorite people in the world in less than two weeks, the rest of me is feeling strange because I'm still here, but my heart is, preparing itself for a new load of miss, not. It's already halfway over that sea, planning for new adventures. & here's what I'm gonna do: Tell my mind to slow down for awhile (I'll see you all soon enough anyways, there's no need to get all crazy about it.) & my heart to stick around for just a little longer. As I told my friend; the beginning & the end of a trip are always the hardest - the beginning because it's a whole new atmosphere to get used to, the end because it's a new home & a new bunch of heartbreaking goodbyes.

It has been a Modest Mouse weekend, by the way (my favorite kind). It has also been a confusing one. Not to say that living hasn't been easy, it has & I'm almost sure that's a state of mind more than anything else. It's not what you do, it's how you do it, & I like to compliment myself on being pretty good on doing what I'm doing the way it should be done by now. Sure, living has been easy, life has behaved, & the hours have gone by as expected. But just when you think you have the human nature figured out, someone comes around & acts the exact opposite way. I'm not going to lie, I'm confused, & I don't really know what's going on. But I guess I should be considering it refreshing to meet someone who's actually crazier than I am. Yeah. Let's settle with that conclusion & move on.

Oh, & Mom, I'm sorry. I did not mean to make you worried, I know how you work, & I know it's all love. My mistake, & it won't happen again, promise. I guess I just got carried away by life a little too long this time. I'll be home soon.


Jag vill ha en mamma-kram just nu! Just nu.

I'll be home soon, & you know what, I just changed my mind. It's all good. It's almost twelve, I'm bored & I'm all alone.


Let's go.

I just wish there were more to life than this, is what's been on my mind lately. A meaning, you know, some crazy ass love. I at least have the latter in spoonfuls in my hoods of the world. & yes, it sucks that I know all the names of all the streets, & all the places where they meet new streets. But it's home, & I know I won't be alone. Here's what I've been singing lately:


'It’s getting light out, the birds are waking up

another night of
telling truths we’re making up

another night down, who knows
how many more

another bright town, same love
we’re looking for

I just wish there were more to
life than
this

praying one day to find faith in someone’s kiss
praying someday for this restlessness to
back away
praying one day for a reason to stay

the rain is falling
over singing birds & trees
you keep calling for someone to bring you to your knees
you keep calling for something to break your heart
just whatever to rip this apathy apart

I just wish there were more to
life than
this
praying one day to find faith in someone’s kiss
praying someday for this restlessness to
back away
praying one day for a reason to stay

packed you’re bags, you’re
heading on to somewhere new
I heard the boys are gorgeous & the sky is always blue
I heard the beer is cheap & your dreams they
all come true
but what if nowhere's ever good enough for you.'

What if. 'I like songs about drifters, books about the same, they both seem to make me feel a little less insane.' Amen, M. Mouse, amen. I might never find a place to settle down, but I'll sure as hell travel the world until I've seen enough to be sure that that's the painful truth. & before that, I'll kick this sumer's ass around Möllan, M-town for awhile. Who's with me? It's ooohhhn.

Love

Dot