Long Distanced Recalls & Postal Serviced Love; A Year After

Today someone had me thinking about loneliness, & what it does to you. Denses thoughts, opens eyes, brings the mind simultaneously closer to the clouds & further from the sky. The sensation of floating like an island, walking streets that are no longer strange to your view or the soles of your shoes, but still does not belong truly to your heart. It takes time to change addresses, but I have no doubt it's good for us. It teaches us a good deal about the world surrounding us, & even more about ourselves.

There's much good in being on your own. You grow stronger, prouder & safer in your beliefs, your questions & answers, your wishes & hopes. But there are things to be lost too, there is always a chance of losing parts of you forever in that dreadfully dark void of caring, of warmth between friends, of conversations so well treaded they walk for themselves. It is a lesson everyone must learn, to be independent. But truth is we need each other. Once you've got the selfreliance-thing down, there's really not that much need for it any longer.

The world is tearig us all apart these days. Many friendships are not made to last over oceans & borders unto new realities in a different spot on this our colorful earth. At least not the way they once were. Poeple change, relationships follow. It's just the way things go. Gotta follow 'em dreams people, no matter where they take you. But it doesn't mean there isn't room for missing, for keeping those memories safe & warm.

Who knows, maybe ten years from now we'll bump into each other at Inkonst, & you can buy me a beer or two.


Here's to old times; a poem from February of last year:

Long Distanced Recalls & Postal Serviced Love [I don't believe in mending]

There are things aiming for
my chest

tonight

monsters & potential futures &
scares, precious illusions

but mostly love

of the kind I feel
fortunate to have.

This is hushed piano plunking place, this is
an atmosphere filled with
blue tunes

lulling me to light lied conclusions &

threatening to break my ribs
one by one.

It's the inexpressible that makes the
most sense tonight

my words are taking me nowhere now

as I think that the
indefinable of us is

what's
holding the rooftops
of our worlds up.

What I can't say & what I must
tell you

form the truest part of me.

It's a huge world for

such a small range of 'love yous'
sometimes.

& the only thing we've got
is time,

apart

you'll be far away

I'll be having things to say; lacking
ways of how to

it's all about the choices we make.

Long distance recalls & postal
serviced love
never seem to be able to
keep the
warmth of your hands

those very last miles, &

separated by so many walls the
air between us is more of a haze

of rain & pollution, other
people's thoughts

making it so hard for me to get through to
you

or you to sense my trying to.

Please don't forget about me before you
go, or let my running shadow cast
shades over

what we used to have

& please don't think that I would
ever forget
about you

exchange you for 'big-world'-cries, 'make-
it'-lies

(I carry you around in the back pocket of my
heart.)

please do know that my goodbyes mean
only that I can not stay

& not that I'm leaving

you

to rot with yesterday.

True miss comes in more colours than
the rainbow.

& these shoes always halfway out the
closest door means

ruthlessly leaving behind
the ones with tired legs

sore feet or

no naivety left
to ignore the road bound bore

forget the blisters, prevent the
downpour with.

I'm not afraid of the world anymore

yet I've never been
more scared

than this before.

(& if I'm causing your crying, know that
I've done my share

of spilling too, & that there's a
special place for
air dried tears

about
love bound cares &
world dares

somewhere between our hearts & our sanities.

A clear blue pound of
spare causes

if we ever run out or

find ourselves in times of
doubt.)

There're so many ways to get
broken

& I don't believe in mending

or the weight of things
that can be clearly outspoken.

She trusts in mistakes already made whilst

I am all about
the ones ahead

letting old failures fade in the
shades of childhood

listening to circles &
following lines

rain cloud sunshines

instead of
'this-way'-signs.

---------

Foto by Mathieu, a friend from Paris.

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Smile darlings, life has just begun.

d.